Terrorist
: the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion
My father, John W. Ridley, is a terrorist. He engages in intimidation, manipulation, and threats to get his way. He’s really good at it.
Recently, he stepped up his game to successfully intimidate the Governor of Kentucky, Steve Beshear, who is also a distant cousin of mine.
But my father’s favorite target is my mother.
I’ve never publicly discussed any of this, neither has my family. But I’m tired. I’m tired of my re-married, “model citizen” father re-inserting himself in my life by harassing my mother and I can’t continue to silently stand by.
Staying silent and ignoring my father hasn’t worked to resolve his behavior over the last 11 years, so by continuing his abuse he’s forced me to speak out.
Terrorists and bullies win because everyone is afraid to stand up to them. Well, I’m standing up. I’m no longer being silent and this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Domestic violence affects one in four women in her lifetime – that’s more women than breast cancer, ovarian cancer and lung cancer combined.
Most people think only of physical abuse when they consider domestic violence, yet financial abuse happens in 98% of all domestic violence cases.
This is my most favorite photo I’ve taken of my mother. She’s amazing.
I’ve come to terms with the nature of my father years ago, but I haven’t talked about this because I’m not one to air dirty laundry.
I like to focus on the positives in life, which is why I have not had a relationship with my father in 11 years. It is a decision I made years ago for my own health and with the counsel of my psychologist.
Recently, he crossed the line, again, which is why I’m speaking out. Let me explain.
My mother spoke at the Governor’s mansion in Kentucky several months ago. She was invited to speak because she’s an incredible floral designer, her work appearing in Kentucky Bride and a featured designer decorating the Old Governor’s Mansion this past Christmas. Well, let me back up.
My mother is amazing. I am so proud of her.
Many years ago I sat in a ‘family meeting’ my father called on the eve of their divorce to inform us he will go to jail before he pays my mother a cent, and he has kept his word.
He even went to jail for being in contempt of violating a domestic violence order (DVO). It’s public record, you can read about it here.
Despite this type of physical and financial abuse, my mother rose against the odds of my father and the worst economic times in recent history to start something beautiful, a flower shop, Mackenzie’s Floral.
The store is named after her horse she sold in order to finance her business. She hadn’t worked in 20 years, and had no income, but she’s beaten the odds.
80% of businesses fail in the first 5 years, and MacKenzies has been open for 10 years.
When she spoke at the Governor’s Mansion it was an honor and a great acknowledgement of her accomplishments, however, my father could not allow that to happen.
Despite being a successful business man himself, re-married, and having been divorced from my mother for over a decade, he continues his efforts of domestic abuse even now.
Before my mother spoke at the mansion, my father called the Governor’s office and demanded they not allow my mother to speak. My father was not attending this event and was in no way associated with it. He went out of his way to try and prevent my mother from speaking.
My mother did not know any of this at the time and she gave a successful talk. She was invited back for this coming weekend to donate her time and resources, like everyone else involved in the event, to help raise money for the Governor’s Mansion.
You can imagine my frustration when my mother was told that the Governor and First Lady will not be allowing my mother to speak, who is already scheduled to do so for free and even had to turn away paid wedding work to be able to do so. All because of my father’s threats. They’ve since removed her profile photo, but you can see the other event’s she’s planned to speak at the Old Taylor Distillery and My Old Kentucky Home.
A third-party sent an email relaying the first lady’s reasoning to my mother: “that if something were to happen to you at the Governor’s Mansion, first it would be devastating to us all, but it would be to [sic] much for the Governor to handle at this time.”
Too much for the Governor to handle? My mother has dealt with this abuse for years and the first lady doesn’t think the Governor can handle it for an afternoon. Keep in mind the Governor’s mansion is probably one of the safest places in the state my mother could be, with an outpost of State Troopers on site, constant video surveillance, all within a gated and guarded compound.
The leader of our state is afraid of my father, he is giving in to this terrorist and condoning domestic abuse through his acquiescence. And the first lady should be a champion of women’s rights and survivors of domestic abuse but folds under my father’s pressure.
This is inexcusable.
It is not becoming of the office of the Governor and as his family member and a citizen of the state of Kentucky I am deeply disappointed and saddened.
It’s my hope that by speaking out about my father he can no longer hide behind our silence and will finally leave my mother alone.
In honor of my mother, I have set a goal to raise $2,500 for Barren River Area Safe Space, Inc. In 2003, my mother stayed with them to escape my father.
You can donate to the safe house below. And if you live around Bowling Green, give MacKenzie’s Floral a call and send the woman in your life an arrangement of these event’s flowers that are at my mother’s store.
Let’s make some lemonade:
My brother and I with the Governor.
I do what I do in my mother’s name because I couldn’t help her then. Now I can.
Donate
You may remember me as a fellow hang glider from Lookout Mt & Facebook. I’m too broke to help, or even fly nowadays. I just wanted to say that I am tremendously proud of you for your successes and how well you have handled this issue on this day. Press on, you’re becoming an example to many on how to not just survive, but to LIVE.
Incredibly brave. Thank you.
I, too, had a father who wasn’t what he appeared to be.
Thank you.
Lucas, your Mom IS an amazing woman and I love her. And, you are a wonderful son. Thank you for having the courage to air the family dirty laundry.
Such a brave and compelling story! Every mother dreams of and deserves a son who will stand up! Thank you Lucas! Love your family! Paige
Telling the truth is important. What a wonderful champion your mother has in you.
You are an amazing son. A lot of people only look at the physical side of domestic violence but it includes verbal, emotional, and financial also and no one knows what it is like until they have witnessed or experienced it. Most of us dont know what life is suppose to be like until we finally get away from it and can experience a normal life. My best wishes to your mom, she is a strong woman and shame on the governor for giving in to your dad’s demands. Does that mean we can all call and demand action and he will be so weak to give in and not stand up for the rights of others?
Add a victim of domestic abuse myself, I commend your mother for being able to escape and build a life. And bravo to you for standing up!
Lucas, I am from Princeton. Your mother was a good friend of my older brothers. She owned and operated the Peppertree while I was growing up. I still have a beautiful leather clutch that I bought there. They say in recovery circles that we are as sick as our secrets. Bullies, abusers, etc thrive on secrecy. I applaud your courage in shining the light on toxic behavior and secrets. I will share your well written post.
Lucas, I am so very proud of you! I had heard the rumors for years. I adore your mother and her many talents. We are friends and I will always respect you and your family. Your older brother Ben, was a friend of my son.
My heart bled for all of you when both you and your brother, Dyer, suffered from cancer. How courageous you all were and your mother’s determination was unbelieveable.
I remember when your mother would bring you to our house and show you the wild flowers blooming in our yard. What a lady and what a gallant fight she has led. She is so very proud of you and your brothers!
Sincerely, Jan Wade
Well said and such a beautiful tribute to the bravery of your mom. She is that much stronger because of her wonderful children.
My husband, Jim Scott, of Bowling Green , is not the “Scotty” who made the comment about his Father in this face book posting. He had a very loving Father.
You are a brave man and I applaud you for standing up to the man who has held your mother hostage all these years. I come from a background of abuse and am just now coming to terms with the effects. I have seen far too many powerful, vindictive men do this than I can count, and there is a special place in hell for them.
I was planning to go to Governors Mansion to hear RoyAnn. I am stunned that the Gov. Would do such a thing. -contributions to the Gub. Race speaks – doesn’t it.
Shame on the Governor of Kentucky and shame on his wife who buckles under male dominance
I admire your determination to make public what others have never recognized or they have chosen to look the other way. Physical abuse can be recognized by the marks it leaves. Emotional and verbal abuse is silent, eating away at the personality of the victim. So glad to see that your mother had the strength to rise above the past and to believe in herself again. May all people be more aware.
Lucas, what courageous words you have written. As publisher of Kentucky Bride Magazine, I have had the distinct honor to work with your mother on several shoots for the magazine, as well as having her beautiful floral designs featured in our Real Kentucky Weddings. She’s amazingly talented, and after reading this, I also know what a strong and determined woman she is! Thank you for this tribute. Gov. Beshear should be ashamed of himself! I’m assuming you’ll be celebrating your Mom this coming Sunday!
I have donated to BRASS in the past in memory of my sister who was not as fortunate. The State vs. Ancil Crowe.
It’s good to hear a success story.
Very, very proud of the way you have stood up for your mother and have handled this situation. If only there were more young men and women like you who would do the same, I think you would be able to change our community, state and, eventually, the world.
Dear Lucas,
I always admired your Mother. I met her when my daughter Elizabeth was at WKU. Elizabeth came to your home often to baby sit you and your brother. When I moved to Bowling Green later, I saw you and your family at church and various places over the years. Your father was just starting his new business and while I know he has been extremely successful, I resisted his many attempts to have me invest with him. For some reason, I never really liked him. Now I know why!
You have done an excellent job of giving this account of your family’s history and your Mother’s resolve to “make it on her own”. Please give her my best. I have been in Versailles for the last five years.
Lucas it is hard to stand up against threats and bullies. I love your mom, Roiann, she is one or the most creative hard-working people I know. She cares so deeply and it shows in everything she does. It is a shame that our own Governor can be so easily intimidated. Thank you for standing up. I know your mom is so very proud of you.
I admire your strength to stand up to your father. There is one thing I dont
understand in regards to the Governor. How exactly did your father intimidate
him and the first lady? Was it some kind of threat and if so, would that not be
criminal in nature? Best of luck to you.
What a blessing you and your brother are to your mother. She is so sweet, and talented. Breaks my heart to know what she’s had to endure. Had heard that her life had not been easy while living with your dad. Had no idea that he was still trying to destroy her! Roiann is a thoughtful, loving lady. Today you’ve made her stronger by being honest about your father. Your mother has raised fine sons.
How phony the governor and first lady are. They should stand up to that bully. What a poor example they set for our children. You, sir are your mother’s hero. God bless you.
You and your mother are amazing. “What comes around goes around,” and YOU have begun the process. Thank you for having so much courage. This was forwarded to me. I hope it will continue to be passed to others.
Well, what I don’t understand, is how he has been recognized and put in Positions of leadership after being, Or I should say, is a terriorist. This should become public knowledge. I have known your mother for years and always thought what a beautiful person she was. How did she survive all she went through? I would love to give her a big hug and award her Woman of the Year! She has surely passed the “Endurance Test”!’
How lucky she is to have such a sweet son!!! I graduated with your mom and I too, endured 20 plus years of abuse! Bless you!
Dear Lucas. You have been greatly blessed with courage. Your actions are the beginning to the end of this nightmare. Thank you!
Reading this has moved me! It took so much courage for your family to take this stand. I do not personally know your mother but I know of her & she is a beautiful, strong woman. My heart breaks that is is being abused again by the stance of our state’s governor.
I also need to add I am a board member of the shelter & I support you all!
Thank you for speaking your truth! I am a survivor like your mom but I chose 3 years ago to speak up publicly about what my ex-husband was doing (and still is). Because I went back to school for a Master’s degree, landed a high-paying job, and refused to be silent any more about the abuses he continued to perpetrate against myself and my daughters, he made it his mission in life to destroy us. I am, of course, the intended target but being my girls’ sole custodian, everything impacts them. The more frightening part of your story is that your father is in a high-profile position of power. Not uncommon with abusers. I’ll bet if you dig a little, you’ll find a lot more victims in various groups he has been involved with. Sociopaths rarely stick with one target, even though they have one primary target they will never let go of (I’ve been the primary target of my ex since 1981). By speaking up, you won’t stop his behavior, but you WILL keep him from being able to do it in secret any more. Congratulations.
Telling your story is very important. I recently told a painful story that I had never told anyone before and it freed me from that past. Unfortunately your story is still actively hurting you by hurting your mom. Not to be indelicate, but your “dad” sounds like a lunatic. Stay strong. I’ll try to donate or send flowers.
Takes a lot of courage to write this, and I am glad you did.
Very proud of you and your Mom, Lucas!
Too often we do not know what goes on behind closed doors…It took a lot of courage and bravery to speak out…more courage than many have to do the same. Hopefully, your powerful letter will empower others to take the first step to stop these horrible abuses. Who knows how many you have already helped. Your mom is such a respected and talented woman in our community, loved by all who know her. Clearly, she has raised an honorable man of character and dignity with strong family values.
The WayBack Machine took a snapshot of their webpage on June 5th that still includes your mother: https://web.archive.org/web/20150605191241/http://gardenlifestyleshow.com/kentucky-governors-mansion/
Keep Fighting! If they want to sellout and become enablers, then make them earn it.
Finally, the truth is told
Lucas,
I am so proud of you for sharing the family secret! I am also proud of your beautiful Mom for all she has accomplished. Shame on Gov. Beshear for caving into your father!!!
Carla Bohannon